On The Sacred Act of Listening
On The Sacred Act of Listening
What does it mean to listen to someone? Or, for that matter, what does it mean to listen, period? It is a chaotic world. We are surrounded by noise--cars, planes, cell phones, and more. We must learn to tune out a lot of noise simply to survive. However, when this carries over to an inability to listen to what others have to say, it becomes a problem.
To listen with sacred intent, we must listen with our hearts. This requires the ability to focus on what is being said by the other without any preconceived notions. It means resisting the temptation to believe that we know all about the subject matter or that we know what the other will say, including their intentions. This is not an easy task. It requires the development of specific and sacred skills. It requires, as A Course In Miracles teaches, a miracle--a shift in perception.
There are two major roadblocks to developing successful listening skills--defensive behaviors and blaming. Students enrolled in the Seminary's Spiritual Counseling Programs become well acquainted with these two roadblocks. Imagine the amount of energy it takes to build a defense against someone who is trying to talk to you. You will not hear them because you are too busy building your case so that you can defend yourself regarding the topic at hand. This will not allow you an opportunity, a sacred moment, where you will hear the other person. You will not hear them because if you defend yourself you are really blaming the other person and labeling them as "wrong."
Here is a way to practice sacred listening skills.
- First: Practice simply listening to the many sounds that surround you. Do you hear cars, planes, the TV, radio, cell phone? List them all in your mind and simply take the sounds in.
- Second: Try to focus on just one of the many sounds around you. Pick, perhaps, the sound of the cars passing by. Listen to only one of the cars as it approaches and then departs. Can you block out the other sounds as you do this? Practice the art of focusing on one sound only.
- Third: The next time you are in a conversation with someone, practice the art of focus once again. Try to block out all the competing sounds and focus simply on what is being said by the other.
- Fourth: Try to repeat back to the individual what you think you have heard them say. For example, repeat (in your own words) what you think the other has said and then ask them if you heard them correctly. If not, ask them to repeat their conversation and try again.
You can apply this approach to sacred prayer or meditation. You can focus on a word, a pleasing sound or your breath. When other thoughts enter your mind, just thank them for coming and let them pass. Practice, practice and practice. Soon, in the silence, you will feel the spirit and receive the most beautiful and sacred messages. Be open, not only to those you speak with, but to the silent voice that can only be heard when we focus on its presence.
Do you have sacred practices or rituals that you use to commune with the divine? Or, do you have comments on conversational skills regarding your significant other or coworkers? Share your gifts of insight with those who read this blog. We really want to know what you have to say.
Be blessed!
Rev. Barbara
Posted by Rev. Barbara S. Eberle at 5/26/2010 12:17 PM 
Categories: Spiritual Contemplations
Tags: Online Ordinations Spiritual Counseling Get Ordained Online Minister Seminary A Course in Miracles Spiritual Contemplations Perform a wedding
Categories: Spiritual Contemplations
Tags: Online Ordinations Spiritual Counseling Get Ordained Online Minister Seminary A Course in Miracles Spiritual Contemplations Perform a wedding
While student at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, I became friends with Carl Rogers, who was respected as one of the leading psychotherapists of his time. He taught me much about the art of listening.
Dr. Rogers said that when we listen, and people know we are listening, it shows we truly care about them. In turn, they will respond by caring about you. It opens communication and also opens hearts. When we accept them as a person, unconditionally, they will be more kind to you.
We should listen without preconceptions, without anticipation and without judgement if we want others to portray what they truly feel. We listen with all our senses, not just to the words which are said. Some people cannot fully express themselves while speaking, so we must try to see them as they see themselves. We should watch for non-verbal clues as to what they really mean: facial expressions, body movements, etc.
While we should show positive regard for the other person, we should also demonstrate our own positive self-regard. We do not react to their negative comments, verbally or physically, even when we disagree with them. When they do ask for our opinion, however, we should respond with our true thoughts and in specifics rather than generalities. We offer our own perspective as other options rather than as contradiction.
Listening might seem quite passive as opposed to speaking. It is actually very active. To paraphrase Bobby Kennedy, "I learn while listening. When I talk I don't learn too much." If you think talking helps to spread your own wisdom, you are not really wise.
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WOW! Friends with Carl Rogers!! I'm jealous!! Please tell us more about him. I'm curious!!
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My comment on listening was previously posted on the PeaceNext and Harvard Business Review blogs: http://www.peacenext.org/group/listeningproject/forum/topics/art-of-listening?xg_source=activity
http://blogs.hbr.org/hbr/hbreditors/2009/11/is_listening_an_endangered_ski.html
You might enjoy my follow-up comment on PeaceNext about Listening to the Sacred.
Carl Rogers and I shared an interest in mysticism. He was fascinated to learn that Subrahmanyan Chandrasekhar, Nobel physicsist at the University of Chicago, had introduced it to me to explain my childhood experiences and that Swami Nikhilananda had taught me that mystical awareness is beyond philosophy, psychology or religion. He knew of and admired both men by their reputation.
Although Dr. Rogers had attended a theological seminary, he was no longer religious but did believe in an underlying, spiritual reality which was not accessible to the mind alone. In "A Way of Being" published 20 years later he said:
I am closest to my intuitive self, when I am somehow in touch with the unknown in me, when perhaps I am in a slightly altered state of consciousness….when I can relax and be close to the transcendental core of me, then I may behave in strange and impulsive ways in the relationship, ways that I cannot possibly justify rationally, which have nothing to do with my thought processes. But these strange behaviours turn out to be right in some odd way: it seems that my inner spirit has reached out and touched the inner spirit of the other. Our relationship transcends itself and becomes a part of something larger.
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Thanks for all the great comments on listening and contemplation. I am studying a lot in those areas right now. As a Hospice Chaplain, I have many opportunities for listening. Sometimes it is hard, because you have to "listen" for what cannot be verbally expressed by your patients. I am asking God for a deeper sensitivity in this area and to know the value of long periods of silence when spending time with those that I serve.
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A personal observation: Don't talk, don't think, and don't react...concentrate on listening. When we talk we can't listen at all. When we think, we interrupt listening to them while formulating our response. When we react - through facial, bodily or verbal indicators - we might disrupt them. In everyday, casual conversations this interchange is normal and expected. When someone is talking about something very personal, they are often hesitant or unable to reveal everything in their opening remarks. When they sense that you are truly interested, they will begin to develop it further. You, in turn, may be more willing to express your true feelings to someone who has opened themselves to you. Deep, meaningful conversations can result.
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Wow! There is so much wisdom in these writings.
I wish I had someone who would listen to me the way you describe this blessed, intense listening. I would then feel that freedom to share more deeply from my experiences, hopes, and dreams.
As it is in my circle of family and friends, I can only take those things to God. This is not bad, but having Him love me through the people in my life---through listening---would be better still.
Jazzmin (Sunday School Teacher)
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